Trigger Warning: This post is all about triggers. Triggers are different for everyone. You never know when they are going to show up. I am sharing in hopes of helping others.
Big or small, often or rare triggers are real and can be debilitating. The term trigger is used to refer to experiences that “re-trigger” trauma in the form of flashbacks or overwhelming feelings of sadness, anxiety, and/or panic. The exact cause of the triggers or brain function behind triggers is not fully understood.
As I blog on sensitive subjects I include a trigger warning as an acknowledgement that my sharing may trigger someone else who has experienced similar things I am writing about. I want to assist other in finding peace and healing not cause more pain and further abuse.
I have chosen to find healing and forgiveness, but it is not always easy. I have found that the more I try to heal and move on the more triggers show up for me. A trigger can be something you see or hear, a phrase, an action or an event.
Daily I exercise, use essential oils, write in a gratitude journal, study the scripture, pray, mediate and do energy work to assist me. Some days are better than others and I still struggle with depression and anxiety. Last week I was listening to You Can Heal Your Life by while I was out walking realized that healing is a daily practice not a destination.
I have to practice loving and forgiving myself daily. I have practice talking through events that trigger me rather than shutting down or running. I have practice meditation, energy work, prayer, and using my essential oils to support me. I have to remember that the experiences that “re-trigger” trauma from my past is not the same as the experience from my past. I am not the same person I was then and the person or event triggering me is not the person or event that caused the past trauma.
It is difficult for me to discuss the emotional and physical responses that I experience when I am triggered. With some of my past trauma I was told not to talk about it. My X would tell me he would kill me if anyone found out. There was shame and fear associated with sharing what I was going through.
For me it the response to a trigger can be any combination of the following:
- I pull away, shut down and hide.
- My body feel heavy and tired.
- I scream and fight.
- I get pressure in my ears and can’t hear.
- I want to run as is get away from the situation.
- I have nightmares.
I often spiral out of control. I feel helpless, embarrassed, depressed, and anxious to be around people. I find that my self abuse is worse after being triggers. The worse part for me is not being able to relax. I am often unable to sleep.
Even now as I write this I am processing events of this week that triggered me. For the first time I am opening up to my husband about the events, being triggered and working through the emotions and physical response that I am experiencing. I felt it was important to document it while I am in the middle of it. I know that braking through the shame and fear is part of my process and practice of healing.
Everyone has his or her own journey. We each have our own triggers and interpretations of life. My intent is to add in the healing process not cause anxiety or pain. Our experience may be similar but they are each unique. Even though many people could have been at the same event each person experiences and remembers those events through our own eyes and will recall the event differently. My blogs will be from my perspective of my life. I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother and friend. I am not a Doctor, Counselor or Therapist. I believe it is important to work with Doctors, Counselors and Therapist along with Essential Oils, Energy Healing and spirituality to find health, healing and balance.