It is amazing how something can trigger me and send me into a cycle of nightmares. Recently I had a phone call that has trigger a cycle of nightmares. The person said, “We are looking for #%@! *#&%*# can you get a message to him.” Just hearing his name made my heart begin to race. I thought I had been very careful so I could not be found by him, but if this person could find me and he can too. JJ told me I should have just said they had the wrong number, but I freaked me out so bad I was not thinking.
My nightmares have been of him finding me and kidnapping me. Or of him finding Warrior since she looks so much like me and kidnapping her. I have not seen X in over 16 years, but every few years something like this phone call shows up. It triggers my anxiety. I am afraid to go places by myself and I am afraid letting my children go places without JJ or I. I am learning to wake myself up out of the nightmares, but on those times I can’t JJ usually recognizes I am having a nightmare and he will hold me and help me through them.
Triggers show up in many different forms: a place, a memory, a smell, words, or various other forms. They can trigger nightmares, panic or anxiety attacks, depression, and/or self harm. It is hard for others to understand. Heck it is hard for me to understand. That is why I continue to go to counseling. The more I learn the quicker I am able to work through my cycles of nightmares, depression and anxiety.
Please remember everyone has his or her own journey here on earth. No one experience abuse exactly the same. We each have our own triggers and my intent is to aid in the healing process and it is to add awareness to a growing problem not cause anxiety or pain. . Our experience may be similar but they are each unique. Even though many people could have been at the same event each person experiences and remembers those events through our own eyes and will recall the event differently. My blogs will be from my perspective of my life I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother and friend. I am not a Doctor, Counselor or Therapist. I believe it is important to work with Doctors, Counselors, and Therapist along with Energy Healing, Essential Oils and spirituality to find health, healing and balance.
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