Surrounded by Triggers

Trigger Warning: This post is all about triggers. Triggers are different for everyone. You never know when they are going to show up. I am sharing in hopes of helping others.

It was a beautiful morning. I driving home after going to run club at school with Gameface and it hits me. The song on the radio that I have listen to a 100 times is about abuse. Emotions flood my mind. “Do you feel like a man when you push her around? Do you feel better now as she fall to the ground? Well I’ll tell you my friend, one day this world’s going to end as your lies crumble down, a new life she has FOUND” Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. This was a song about me. How did I not ever catch that before? The song continues, “ONE DAY SHE WILL TELL YOU THAT SHE HAS HAD ENOUGH!” And then, “Face down in the dirt she said, this doesn’t hurt she said I finally had enough”

I wish that was enough. I was in an abusive marriage for a little over 2 years year 19 years later it still effects my life. Oh the nightmares that rack my sleep. He still controls many of my thoughts. See more about it on my blog Triggers and Nightmares

Then on social media was the story out of California of an estranged husband killing his wife at the school, also injuring 1 and killing another student. That could have been me. It could be me as every so often my X looks for me.

Then last night JJ and I watched an episode of Chicago Justice that dealt with suicide and emotional abuse. Some of the statement made I heard in the voice of my X. My stomach was in knots. I sat in silence as we watched. Inside I was panicking. I was reliving my past. When the show ended, JJ asked me if I was okay. We talked about what was going on inside me.

Sometimes, I am strengthened and empowered when I view or hear this things. I am a survivor, I got out. I have an good life with a wonderful husband and children. I have not been in that situation for years. Other times I am traumatized by it. JJ reminded me that is way I speak out, that is why I share so you know you are not alone if you are going through it.

Are you wondering if you or someone you know have an abuse problem? Ask yourself these questions and consider them as the warning signs of a problem. From Abuse Counseling and Education, Inc.

Here are some of the most common signs of abuse.

Signs of Physical Abuse

  • Unexplained changes in the child’s body or behavior or regression to earlier developmental stages
  • Any injury (bruise, burn, fracture, abdominal or head injury) that cannot be explained
  • Watchful and “on alert” behavior, as if the child is waiting for something bad to happen
  • Shying away from touch, flinches at sudden movements, or seems afraid to go home
  • Appears to be afraid of adults
  • Wears clothing inappropriate to the season or weather to cover injuries, i.e. long-sleeved shirts on hot days
  • School failure
  • Frequent headaches or stomachaches with no medical cause

Signs of Emotional Abuse

  • Behavioral changes
  • Speech disorders
  • Substance abuse
  • Developmental delays
  • Lack of attachment to the parent
  • Excessively withdrawn, fearful or anxious about doing something wrong
  • Acts either inappropriately adult (taking care of other children) or inappropriately infantile (rocking, thumb-sucking, tantrums)
  • Extremely passive or aggressive behavior

Signs of Sexual Abuse

  • Extreme sexual behavior that seems inappropriate for the child’s age
  • Sexual acting out on other children
  • Genital pain, itching, swelling or bleeding, as well as a sexually transmitted disease
  • Refusal to change for physical activities (e.g. P.E. class) or refusal to participate in physical activities
  • Depression
  • Runaway
  • Fear of being alone with adults, especially of a particular gender
  • Suicide attempts
  • Trouble walking or sitting
  • Nightmares or bedwetting
  • Sudden changes in appetite
  • Fear of a particular person or family member  

Signs of Neglect

  • Frequently absent from school
  • Theft of food or money
  • Consistently poor hygiene
  • Lack of appropriate clothing for weather or season
  • Frequently unsupervised, left alone or allowed to play in unsafe situations and environments
  • Lacks needed medical or dental care

If you are experiencing any of these. Get out and get help as safely as you possibly can. I share information about it in Getting Out Getting Help. If it is someone you love, be very careful appropriating them about it. I would lie about it because X would tell me he would kill me if I told anyone. I would deny that anything was happening. I was afraid of anyone finding out. But then there where also those times that I contemplated suicide because I could not take anyone.

Please remember everyone has his or her own journey. No one experience abuse exactly the same. We each have our own triggers and my intent is to aid in the healing process and it is to add awareness to a growing problem not cause anxiety or pain. . Our experience may be similar but they are each unique. Even though many people could have been at the same event each person experiences and remembers those events through our own eyes and will recall the event differently. My blogs will be from my perspective of my life I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother and friend. I am not a Doctor, Counselor or Therapist. I believe it is important to work with Doctors, Counselors, and Therapist along with Energy Healing, Essential Oils and spirituality to find health, healing and balance. The statements on this website have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent disease.

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