Anxiety is a beast!

Written by Kimi Bayles

Anxiety is a beast! It can be a silent and awful thing to live with! On the outside I look strong and confident, on the inside I’m a complete mess!

I constantly feel like I’m letting everyone down. That I’m just not good enough. The anxiety I live with is hard, I try and hide it the best I can.

But sometimes I wish people really understood how hard it is to be inside my head. When I feel like I’ve let someone down, my whole body hurts, my stomach is in knots and I fight tears all day.

My head tells me it’s ok, I’m doing good. But my heart tells me I’m just not good enough. I’m not a good enough friend, I’m not a good enough mother and wife, and I’m not a good enough teacher! I live in constant fear that I’ve upset someone.

It’s a constant battle, and some days I win, and some days I lose.

Ways I try to cope are to perfect things and many times in my own personal striving to perfect, I unknowingly make huge mistakes and I know frustrate the people around me. So many times I have blinders on and only see the path in front of me and I try to calm the mess in my head.

Thank goodness for the friends around me who are forgiving of my short comings and love me anyway. Who treat me with respect and aren’t constantly letting me know when I make mistakes.

Thank goodness for my parents who love me know matter what! Who help me day in and day out!

Thank goodness for a husband who is so patient and loving! Who is seriously my rock, and who sees all of my faults and yet still makes me feel like I’m doing amazing!

Thank goodness for little boys who love me no matter what! Who love me when I’ve completely failed as a mother, and hug me and tell me it will be all right!

Thank goodness for students who come into my classroom everyday with a smile and don’t notice that lately I can’t keep up with the demands of classroom life although I’m trying my best to swim up the stream!

I’m lucky! I’m lucky that although I deal with my anxiety on a daily basis I am surrounded by love!

Treat people with kindness, everyone is battling a hard battle! Even if on the outside it doesn’t look like it. When people make mistakes be forgiving and love anyway.


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