An Open Apology – I Am Sorry for Hurting You

To who it may concern,

I am sorry for those times that I did not show up or respond to you the way you needed. I am sorry if I did or said something that offended or hurt you. I am sorry for any of the times that I sat in the wrong chair with you.

A few weeks ago my brother sent me the following TEDx talk and which opened up new understanding of how I react to others.

I now understand that I have suffered from mental illness throughout my life. Anxiety, depression, and suicide ideation impact the way I interact and react to others. I also now understand that the abuse I have gone through has impacted my mental illness and had a further effect my interaction and reaction to others. It has only been recently that I have learned how to be more effective in my communication or take a moment to walk away from a situation to think.

In the past 25 years my life has truly been a roller coaster where at times I didn’t even know who I was. Through my darkest days I was hurting so badly I could not see beyond myself and those around me who were hurting too. During those times I was hurt and offended by others that I didn’t handle well. I will never know everyone I hurt or offended during those times for which I truly am sorry.

Recently on social media I have come across a couple of quote that I wish I understood much sooner:

“Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can be only forgive, not forgotten.”

“Don’t mix bad words with your bad mood. You’ll have many opportunities to change your mood, but you’ll never get the opportunity to replace the words you spoke….”

“Not letting go has a very high emotional cost which can and will affect the emotional, mental, spiritual, social and even financial areas of our life.”

“You’re forgiving doesn’t mean, I’m right, they’re wrong. Or, I’m wrong, they’re right. Forgiveness isn’t about agreeing with or condoning the other person’s actions. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you’re saying that the other person is “right” or that what they did is/was “OK”. Forgiveness is about choosing (and re-choosing) to let go so that you don’t get stuck living in the past.”

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” ~ Lewis B. Smedes

“Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.” ~ Johathan Lockwood Huie

As I work on self improvement, self awareness and healing, forgiveness of self and other is a daily process. I know I can’t change my words or actions, but I can ask for forgiveness. So once again for anyone I may have hurt or offended, not shown up for in a way you needed or sat in the wrong chair with. I Am Sorry, Please Forgive me.

I no longer want to live in the past. I want to live in the present full of forgiveness, love, communication, compassion, and peace!

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