Against Better Judgement

Trigger Warning: Triggers are different for everyone. You never know when they are going to show up. I pushed my one limits on this one. 


Utah has a 23% higher Domestic Murder rate than the United States Average. Which leads me to believe that there is also a higher Domestic Violence rate as well. As each of these events hit the news, I become triggered by them and then my Survivors Guilt sets in. One of the twisted parts is that my curiosity in the details increases. Another twisted part is that I find some comfort it because I can see I am not alone in falling in love with a narcissistic con-artist.

Against Better JudgementRecently several friends discussing The Cold Podcast that is about the unsolved case of Susan Powell. To start with I chose to stay clear of it, but the more my friends discussed it, the more I wanted to learn more about it. So against my better judgement I started listening. Am I in no way recommending this to other Domestic Violence Survivors. I have found it somewhat therapeutic, but also very twisted.

I recognized how twisted this is. The first episode triggered me, but I also became intrigued. Against JJ’s recommendation I continued to listen to the podcast. As I listened, I could see so many similarities between my X and Susan’s husband Josh and even more similar to her father-in-law Steve Powell.

I have also listen to the podcasts about the Domestic Murder of Lori Hacking. My X had even more similarities to Mark Hacking.

As I listened to the podcasts, I would catch glimpse of what my life could have been like. I often acted like everything was okay for two reasons. First to keep up appearances that we had a great marriage. Second because he told me he will kill me if I told anyone what was going on. After telling me he would no longer see my X and I together, Our marriage therapist told me if I stayed, that he would kill me.

I am extremely grateful I was able to get out and get help. I recognize how difficult it can be based on the individual circumstances. If you or someone you know is in a violent, manipulative, or narcissistic relationship GET HELP. The National Domestic Violence Hotline has highly-trained advocates are available 24/7/365 to talk confidentially with anyone experiencing domestic violence, seeking resources or information, or questioning unhealthy aspects of their relationship.

Please remember everyone has his or her own journey. No one experience abuse exactly the same. We each have our own triggers and my intent is to aid in the healing process and it is to add awareness to a growing problem not cause anxiety or pain. Our experience may be similar but they are each unique. Even though many people could have been at the same event each person experiences and remembers those events through our own eyes and will recall the event differently. My blogs will be from my perspective of my life I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother and friend. I am not a Doctor, Counselor or Therapist. I believe it is important to work with Doctors, Counselors, and Therapist along with Energy Healing, Essential Oils and spirituality to find health, healing and balance. The statements on this website have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent disease.


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